It's been almost two years since we've separated our selves, our stuff, our schedules with the children. Tomorrow we're due in court. I have no idea what to expect. To get questioned? Yelled at?
The thing is, I have no lawyer. Can't afford one. The soon-to-be ex ha a very expensive one. The settlement is obviously not in my favor, but I'm not in a place (financial or mental) to try to fight it. There are times when you need to fight and there are times when your energy is better spent picking up and moving on with what you've got.
I'm ready for it to be over.
I want my last name back. I want back the final few pieces of myself I haven't yet already put together again.
The narrative of my life is mine again. And an intrinsic thread in that narrative is my need for self-improvement. I fell short of the marathon and have been experimenting with other sports (swimming, biking) to keep myself busy, with some really interesting results.
I will still do the marathon in 2010, but a triathlon &/or masters' swim competitions are likely in my future.
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